the juggler
november 2

San Francisco

"Flux, fluidity-"
"Things that begin with the letter 'F'?"
"Flailing, flipping out-"
"Things that begin with the letters 'F-L'?"
"Flying off the handle, flight AND fight resp-"
"Oh! oh!! Things that describe your emotional state!"

Off goes the bell, and on to the next category. But in my version of 100,000 Drama Pyramid, there's no prize money (or celebrity partner, unless I count myself). My so-called life has been pitched to the Game Show Channel.

The bulk of all this agitation has been my home life. Contrary to what you may have deduced from my videos or heard on the street, I do not live in a fabulous flat in San Francisco's Castro District- well I do, but not by myself, and there lies the source of many of my adventures.

I haven't had a roommate in so long, I had forgotten about the Tide of Compromise that washes up on shore twice every hour. Or minute. Or in the same outburst. The crashing surf hardly has time to recoil before hurtling back. For someone as opinionated as I and as judgemental as I am trying not to be, it's all brand new and exhausting.


'Exercise patience with all things, most importantly with yourself'


Most days that little ditty can't get me out of my driveway, even after I set it to music, and here I am trying to use it to keep the waves off my sand castle. I'm not going to get into details, as ripe as they are for gossip, though I may sprinkle clues throughout this entry (buT INAdvertently of course) because I'm jusT IN A state of mind where I need to relieve some pressure. Did I mention I saw Ginger, aka TINA Louise, in a dream?

Nightmare actually. But not the kind where you're trying to yell and have no voice, I've expended plenty of energy as noise and blasts of steam out my ear canals. More like when you feel you're up to your neck in wet cement. Or listening to Garrsion Keillor's 'Writer's Almanac' right after Allister Cooke's 'Letter from America' on an empty stomach.


'Do I stay or do I go?'


Life's grey areas are vast and absorbant, and we slog through them trying to reach those islands of black and white. Sit down for a rest and they start to suck out your clarity while fragmenting your plans, keep moving and you'll eventually get 'there', with no guarantee you'll recognize or like your destination.

But you know what, I'm still upbeat, still optimistic, still energized, and I'm not sticking to that which tries to take my focus off my goals. And I'll actively seek out and follow up anything that will move me forward. And on that note, if you have a housing idea for me, write me! I want to stay in San Francisco where I can help out my friend. I've got skills and qualities to barter with, so speak up.

I'm off to LA in a couple hours, and if you see me down there, say hi, and remember I'm not just a doll, I'm an Action Figure!

what I'm listening to: Working Assets Radio.
what I'm reading: The San Francisco Bay Guardian's special Poverty amid Plenty



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