fall up
December 13

Los Angeles

Father, it's been six weeks since my last confession... I'm not going to remember everything, and what I do remember won't be in order, just a Chex mix of scenes.

Another porn star sighting, Steve Rambo, at the gym. Don't remember what he was wearing, just that he looked great. Multi porn star sightings at Chi Chi LaRue's birthday party/fundraiser at the Hollywood Athletic Club, where a bunch of the stars got in drag and performed. The standout was Blake Harper doing a number from Chicago, looking like Jennifer Anniston. A couple fans got their picture taken with me, part of the fundraising. I spoke to Bruce Valanch, Caesar and Julie, and got snared by a trouble-making computer tutor who insisted on dragging me into the men's room.

They've been getting bolder in Griffith Park- I'm talking about the wildlife. The four legged kind. I've seen more coyotes in the last couple months than I have since moving to LA three years ago. Same with the deer. The coyotes seem less and less scared, they'll see me walking down the road and just stand there. Friend or food? A smaller friend of mine said one chased him down a fire road. In my encounters, they stare for awhile and eventually saunter away, disappearing into the bush, much like the two-legged wildlife, no slouch in the boldness department either.

Again a familiar looking man cruised by me in his car and parked a hundred yards ahead. By the time I walked past him, he had already taken off his shirt, pulled down his shorts to his ankles and was grabbing a boner (his), with the car door open! Another guy pulled over to tell me he ran a web site and wanted to know if I was a model. This was after he asked me how big my dick was and if I was cut or uncut. There is one man who is always parked in the same spot, every time I walk that particular road. He's always stroking wood when I walk by, he must be up there every damn day. On the other hand, he could be saying to himself, "everytime I park here, that same guy walks by and looks in my window, he must be up here every damn day."

Had another eerie coincidental relationship, this time with a classical music station I hadn't listened to in a long time. On three consecutive nights when I turned on the radio, waiting for me was one of my favorite pieces, a different one each time: Rachmaninov's 'Second Symphony', Ralph Vaughn Williams's 'Second Symphony', and Gerschwin's 'Rhapsody in Blue'. Every damn day, well, just three.

My future roommate came to visit the week of Thanksgiving and I brought him along to my aunt's in San B'do. After dinner we drove out to Palm Springs and hung out with my friend Sid. We went to Hunters and I was amazed at the number of attractive men, I had never seen so many in Palm Springs under one roof. One took me home, well, to his parents's home, they were out of town. This beat spending the night on Sid's floor in my sleeping bag. The next morning I did the guy a favor by driving his car (a Mercedes, a first for me) to Sid's while he followed in his mom's SUV.

Laid down vocal tracks for a demo I'm working on. One of my rugby players is the engineer, and the night before I took him to a porno release party, where he got real friendly with a big name p-star who recently moved back to LA. After watching a new AbFab at a bar in WeHo, I checked out the band I Am Loved, and discovered they're produced by a friend of mine.

Got a last minute invite to a Slamdance Film Fest party, where this year's selections were announced. Lots of LA hipster trash trying real hard not to look like they were trying hard, I loved it. Venue was Rudi's Barbershop, a fantastic place, I'm still not sure what it is, looks like a combo rock club, bar, barber shop and day spa. Never found a list of what got chosen for the alty Sundance.

Had a magical movie experience of my own a couple weeks ago: I needed a break from all the handsome men milling about at this Malibu beach party, it was just too much stimulation, so I found an empty bench and sat down facing the clear black sea. Minutes later a guy asked if I minded him sitting next to me and a few more minutes later we're walking up the shore to see how far it goes. A near full moon cast giant shadows through the piers, the moist sand shimmered silver. When it looked like we'd have to turn back, another escape revealed itself and we scrambled across peaks of smooth rocks and up the sides of ledges.

At one point we lay on a big flat stone, miles from anything but the beauty of nature, taking in the stars. I wanted to reach over and kiss him, but just lay there and enjoyed the anticiaption. While glancing at my friend I caught the tail of a shooting star. We hopped up and continued our expedition.

We approached a small mountain in the surf, and had it been day we would have attempted to scale it. Instead, we set out farther north, perhaps we'd reach The Colony if we made it past the next peninsula. The warm breeze felt as if it had been dispatched from the Society Islands, the moon burned brighter, for we had left the glare from the cluster of beach houses far behind us.

Eventually we came to an endpoint, and decided to return via the Pacific Coast Highway, for the tide was coming in. About half way back we looked down on the beach and watched a man get on one knee and propose to his girlfriend. She accepted and we cheered, it was the first time either of us had seen an actual proposal. My pal asked me if I wanted to get married. My answer was yes, and I told myself it would be on that same beach that we'd face each other and pop the question. But not tonight.

And probably not on any night. After we returned to the party, I helped him find his uncle, who as I guessed was sleeping in his car, and after giving The Stranger my number, we exchanged a kiss and hug and off he rode. The next day he called to give me his home number, his work number, and his e-mail. Two days later I sent off an e-mail and called him at work to ask him out for dinner at the end of the week. He said he'd call me back, and that's the last I heard from him.

That night I injured my left leg playing rugby, then did again later in the week, and missed a porn shoot I was all raring to do. The situation could have been avoided, so to keep from kicking myself with my good leg any more than I already have, let's just say I learned a valuable lesson and I'm moving on, with a slight limp.

Borrowed two videos from the library, 'Blue Dahlia', with Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake in a Raymond Chandler story, and 'Lady from Shanghai', with Rita Hayworth and Orson Welles and the famous funhouse mirror scene. I took some comfort when Welles's character said "I find it sanitary to be broke," and suddenly not taking a shower that day didn't matter.

Started venturing out this week, did a shift interning at a cable station, and on the way home, I marvelled at the fancy display of Christmas lights on a stretch of Los Feliz Boulevard, it was as if the neighbors were trying to outdo the DWP display down the street. My baby brother would have said "WOW", just like when I took him up San Francisco's Masonic Street to see the yearly light display, "Waste Of Watts."

That didn't stop me from getting out my bag of tea light candles, lighting two in every window, even the ones at the back of the house, and grinning from room to room saying "wow".

What I'm reading: Rugby Steps to Success, Biscombe and Drewett, and Homer's Illiad, translated by Chase and Perry.
What song I can't get out of my head: 'Butterflies', Michael Jackson.

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